Dealing with family rifts

Family rifts & politics:


Ah your wedding day, the happiest day of your life, right? Where all your friends & family gather around to celebrate with you & your other half, creating an awesome day.

But let’s be honest, weddings aren’t without angst! For some reason, weddings can bring out the worst in people, and even create family feuds & rifts.

Emotions run high.

People expect to be invited, yet aren’t (because it’s YOUR choice who you invite).

People expect to be taking on a specific role on the day, but aren’t asked to (because it’s YOUR choice who you ask to take part in your wedding day).

Nerves are frayed, tempers high, a little act or word can get blown WAY out of proportion.

It’s something that I’ve seen happen time & again, & it always makes me sad.


Peaky blinders wedding bride, looking serenely to the side. She wears her dark red hair in an up do, with a pearl headband. Her wedding dress is cream lace & strapless. She holds a large bouquet of green fronds of foliage & purple flowers.

So what type of issue can raise its head? And how would I advise you to deal with this type of negative reaction to your wedding plans?

Let’s run through a couple of scenarios & see if we can get you more comfortable with situations you may (but hopefully not!) face during your wedding planning.

Friends or family expect an invite, or insistence on people being invited who aren’t on your list.

OK going in straight with this one! It's your day, you invite who you want. You don't have to explain your choices to anyone, if you only want a select number of people to watch you say your vows, then make it so. You can claim that your venue only has space for a certain number of people, so you're limiting numbers. You can say your budget will only allow for a set number. If you want to soften the blow - because come on, you don't wanna be a bitch about it! - you can give one of the reasons here but say you'd love to meet up after the wedding to catch up.

Your have a split family, with some politics at play

First up, let your venue manager or wedding coordinator know, because they can ensure that guests are kept separated (in a diplomatic way, of course!). On your table plan, make sure they're seated a respectable distance from each other. If you're comfortable, speak to the affected members beforehand to say you're really excited & pleased they'll be joining you on your big day, but you're also hoping that they can put their feelings on /the other guest/ to one side, as you don't want any negativity on your day. Again you could employ your wedding coordinator's diplomatic services, to word this for you & to act as a buffer!

Someone who's not invited rocks up anyway

OK I've actually had this at a wedding I coordinated. 2 years ago, the bride fell out with her mum & she told me that Mum was no longer attending. However on the morning, guess what? Groom tells me that bride's mum has rocked up! He anticipates a problem, including the fact she's said she'll make a speech & could I please help. Errr YES! She's not causing havoc, not on my watch.

So I stood by her table during the speeches (in an unobtrusive way of course) & when the last person had said their toast, Mum makes a move to grab the speech out her pocket, I see this & shout "What fabulous speeches! Congratulations! Now please everyone, gather around while they cut the cake!"

Mum leaves with a face like a smacked arse, the couple thank me, & I know another difficult scenario has been avoided.

So yeah, you have an unwanted guest at YOUR day, let your coordinator or venue manager know & they will sort.

OK 3 scenarios, but sure there are others that are troubling you. So go on, email me with whatever family rift or friend drama is causing YOU to get a bit antsy? Let's see if I can make you feel more confident in your options!

With love, Beckie xx